One glance at the digital clock hanging on the wall (made in China, of course) and I know that I should be in bed instead of burning my gray cells staring at a blank Wordpress screen. Yet, there are these thoughts that trouble me and do not let me catch on my beauty sleep... Have been thinking a lot lately. I think the Mumbai attacks affected me more than I care to admit. I guess some part of me died with the two hundred odd people who were, rather unfortunately, killed on that fateful day. It could easily have been me, standing at platform no. 5, waiting for the last Karjat fast local train that would take me home; it could have been me, walking down the lane in front of Cafe Leopold; it could have been me, taking a taxi which was fated not to reach its destination. Mumbai, my home for 25 years, will never be the same again. I sit here now, typing this blog, secure in the knowledge that I was "lucky" to have escaped the terror attacks. Yet, the frailty of life in the face of death leaves me in no doubt that I may not be here tomorrow. More on the frailty of human life here: The Frail Human.
It is this thought that has been troubling me for some time now. If I am not going to exist forever, what is the point in building a fortune for myself and my family? Why should I persevere to ensure that my future generations live a good life? Why should I worry about what happens to relatives, friends, animals, birds, insects, trees, water, air, earth, space, the Universe? Why should I think about little insignificant details of my everyday life like whether I will be able to make it to the station in time to catch the 07:48 am fast train so that I can reach my work place on time. Why should I bother whether Arsenal wins the EPL/CL/CC/FAC/WCC/CS etc? Shouldn't I care two hoots about how India performs at the Olympics? Or how Argentina fares at the World Cup? Why should I go into delirium every time my site stats show that the hits have increased? Is there any point to it all?
And of course, as is wont to happen with all things in life, these thoughts, just like millions of my cells have before and like millions will in the future, die out. They are nothing but random neural firings, brought on by the caffeine. I am sure that drowsiness will get the better of me and the last thoughts that pass through my mind before it is consumed by sleep will be of that babe I saw across the street today. And when I wake up in the morning, all of this will be a distant memory. I will want to attack the day with renewed vigour and zest. Every freshly generated cell in my body will cry out for oxygen and lambast me if I fail to get in the daily dose of euphoria, despondentness, anxiety, expectation, frivolity, stinginess - any modicum of emotion to satiate my desires. I will want to debate the future of the bacteria that treat the wastewater at my place of work; crease my brow over the amount of reports that my bosses ask of me; smile when I see that my wife is calling me just to say hello; plan for that StarCraft extravaganza this weekend with my brother; think of ways to chide Yuri when Chelsea defeat Manchester United; await the end of the month to see the numbers in my bank account grow. Suffice to say, that I will be engulfed in my daily activities so much, that I will forget all of this death business.
And come the end of the day, some part of me will begin to wonder (probably some brain cells on their way out) as to what is the meaning of it all. Will this article make me famous and ensure posterity? Will future generations ever read this blog article and comment upon the grave (pun intended) nature of the subject matter? Questions, I wish I will never know the answers to - yet I seek desperately.
/R
